


I don't get it

by LeWanderinGaal



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alien Cultural Differences, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender-neutral Reader, GenderNeutral!Reader, I come up with these tags as I remember them or see them in another work, I tried to keep this without a romantic plot or subplot, Identity Issues, LGBTQ, Multi, Non-Binary!Reader, Non-binary Reader - Freeform, Self-Indulgent, There's A Tag For That, Thirteenth is a great hugger, again more like, because I try to give everyone a chance at reading fics, but if you want to and squint it could be, but this time I kind of ended self proyecting, could also be, i love this site, identity crisis, kind of, more like, or - Freeform, soft, the angst it's due mental turmoil, this is soft im soft help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 17:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeWanderinGaal/pseuds/LeWanderinGaal
Summary: You are running for your life. Again. It's an ussual thing while travelling with The Doctor, that you have learn.But you had some kind fo argument before this mess, and didn't think things through, so that leads you to not being able of leave The TARDIS as usual and stay longer with The Doctor, who happens to soothe your racing mind.Hugs are great, and The TARDIS is a cool gal.





	I don't get it

**Author's Note:**

> I've been procastinating my current works with other stories, and this is one of them. 
> 
> Here's a work I made in like a week, using my time in the bus to and from uni to write, and just after watching the first episode of series 11. The story ended being longer than planned, hehe.
> 
> This Doctor is amazing so far, I love her; but out of my own confussion this came out. I really like it, even tho the talk with The Doctor doesn't take place until the end. I got carried away with the background story and the scenery, sorry not sorry.
> 
> It's important to tell you all I started to write this before The TARDIS' desing pictures were out.  
> I don't have a beta-reader and english is not my first language. All mistakes are mine.

"Come on Yas, it's not even that bad! We just have to wear suits. Tailored suits! Do you have anything against them?"

You have been trying to convince her of getting measured by this almost-human-looking lady at the planet you were currently at, but she won't accept.

"I already told you, I want to wear that dress I found in the TARDIS wardrobe - or whatever it's supposed to be called. The wine red one with silver details!" She was already walking away when you rushed up to stop in front of her, your hands on her shoulders.

"Why won't you want to wear a suit? They are comfy and it would look great on you. You already wore one remember? Almost a month ago. At Duggass 3, where-"

"Were we _had_ to, because we were temporary transformed into men, all of us." She interrupted you and the look her eyes held wasn't one you were comfortable with.

"Yeah but, it was only an illusion, made by The Doctor and her TARDIS rember? An optical and neurological distraction, an acces to a different time line, to see you as if you were born with XY chromosomes, using the-"

Yas shook your hands away of her shoulders while walking away. More like storming, but let's not get to caught up by that, "I remember the explanation, but still, it...messed up with my head okay? I want to feel like myself for now, so, as impractical in case of running as it would, well, _will be_ , I'm gonna wear that dress. See ya later (Y/N)."

With that, she left you in the middle of the console room, your last sentence being only heard by the space ship "But...we were ourselves the whole time."

**-°-°-**

Sure enough, the only ones allowed to talk at the diplomatic reunion were The Doctor and you, at least on the side of the females-only side of the meeting, while Graham and Ryan were on the males-only-planet side.

Yas was standing aside, well, slightly behind you and The Doctor, since the only ones allowed to talk were the females with suits. It wasn't an inner rule of the planet, but more so for arrangements with other species, more sex-drived ones. It was a method they used to reduce the livid the others might have.

Kind of disappointing for you to be honest, for anyone to have to wear a "usually for males" kind of clothing in hopes of being taken seriously and as a slightly extra protection method. Even in space and with species who seemed way more advanced than humans.

Anyway.

All the arrangements for a co-species mining market between them _and_ other species in the system and quadrant were going perfectly fine, and neither The Doctor nor any of you've had to say a lot, just ideas, not even trying to calm them down.

This was so easy. Too much for your liking. The hardest part had been to be allowed as valuable insights (and assuring the female species that Ryan and Graham weren't spies).

But traveling with The Doctor for this long now had taught you to never let your guard down, not completely. Graham has made some comments about you being too stiff unless you are inside the TARDIS...and even there you weren't completely relaxed, not after that time some Chullons tried to open the ship by force.

You were glad you didn't let your guard down, because suddenly there was a flash of orange light and just as The Doctor screamed for everyone to get away you jumped to Yas and pulled her away before an explosion took place in the middle of the ground you were 10 seconds ago.

The natives and the male aliens were already getting away, and, by the quick glance you got of them, helping each other and it seemed like planning a contra attack.  
  
Good. They really were over each other’s throats just a day ago.

"Everyone to the TARDIS! NOW!"

While The Doctor stayed slightly behind to scan the trajectory of the shot and any residues on the floor, Ryan was helping Graham up, much like you were with Yas.

And then, you tried to run. Tried to, because the high heels Yas had at the moment weren't cooperating, as expected.

"Yas..."

"I know, I know. If I was wearing floor level shoes we would be going much quicker!" You didn't even have to finish your sentence before she answered what you were going to complain about.

You grunted while trying to avoid the explosions and lasers falling from the sky; then you saw an empty alley and pulled Yas there.

"Quick, take your shoes off."

"What? (Y/N) you heard The Doctor, this planet's floor is full of neuro-blockers and it’s gonna mess with your zeronin..."

"Serotonin..." you corrected her mid sentence while you were starting to take off your shoes.

"...whatever. It’s going to cause me a migraine attack and I will go temporary blind!" She said while trying to stand up again

"No you are not. _I'm_ the one who's going to suffer the serotonin drop and going through the migraine and I hope we are already at the TARDIS for when the amauroxis fugax kicks in." you threw her your shoes and motioned her to put them on.

"(Y/N), I'm not going to make you pay for my mistakes. You tried to make me wear something appropriate and-"

"Oi! What're you doing in the floor, we gotta keep moving! Quick!" The Doctor stopped a little outside the alley you both were sitting and throw glances between you both. "...None of you are injured right? Did any of you get shoot? By the stars, if any of you can't walk-" she started trying to sit close to you but you stopped her.

"We are fine Doctor; go ahead, we just needed a quick breath."

She eyed you, knowing you were up to something, but you did your best to hold her gaze and try to reassure her to not worry.

"Doctor please, go to The TARDIS already and start looking for whatever or whoever the heck is shooting at us."

She sighed and nodded, and then left to keep running.

"Ok Yas, if you don't put on the shoes we are gonna have a big problem. You are not wearing socks, I am. They will give me some kind of protection. As minimum as it might be." You already had her heels in your hands and were standing up, leaving her no option but to do it and move.

You didn't feel anything for the majority of the trip to safety, but the last explosions' lights were hurting your sight and head - the migraine had started to kick in.

To be fair, you weren't one to suffer migraine, just occasional headaches, but you have read about it and an old flat mate had chronic migraine.

The noises and movement started to become a little too much for you to handle, but you didn't want to stay out there, so reaching the safety of The TARDIS was a priority; so you pushed yourself to keep going.

When you turned the corner of the alley The TARDIS was in, it's when your sight went havoc: now not only the light was too much, but the things you were able to see started to get blurry and by the time you reached The TARDIS door handle you saw black spots in almost your whole sight field.

But hey! You were inside and safer than outside!

"Doc they are here!" that was Graham calling for her. Good.

"Great! Quickly, get over here, we need to land The TARDIS somewhere else to go back and help them." After that you heard her pulling down and up levers and pushing buttons.

You used your left hand to walk besides the control room rack - an action you already had mastered thanks to you walking around The TARDIS "at night" when you've had to stay a couple of days in a planet without constant chasing.

"So, what are we gonna do now?" You asked, looking to where you _hoped_ The Doctor was.

"Well, after we land near the others, probably try to figure out a way to make the shooters leave. If it can be done in the more non violent way, the better."

After that, you heard the usual thud of the landing, then running and finally The TARDIS' door being opened, but another voice was heard from outside.

"Hey Doctor, I see you and your friends made it in time to your...is this your ship? Anyway. Don't worry about us. We know who attacked the meeting, and opposite to what it might have tried - the end of the emerging alliance - it did nothing but reaffirm it!" an explosion was heard from outside, and The TARDIS was shaking for a couple of seconds "Point is, time to go, Doctor. We'll be fine. Thank you so much."

"But, are you sure you'll be alright? Or the attackers? Violence leads to more violence." She sounded skeptical, to say at least.

"Ha, yes we will, they are nothing but some youngs who stole police weaponry, but it's gonna be fine. Now go!"

You might just be able of see blurry stuff behind the black spots on your almost nonexistent sight, but you knew The Doctor was pushed inside the blue box and then the door was closed again, and when she tried to open them, they just didn't. And The TARDIS was humming and making noises.

After what sounded and seemed like struggling from The Doctor, she stopped and started talking, and murmuring stuff, but none of you answered back because it was obvious she was talking to her ship.

In the silence that followed that, you walked to sit down, hanging from the rack and facing the walls. You really wanted to see the blue panels on them – the patterns calmed you down with their breathing like changes and movements. But you couldn’t, not right now.

You heard and felt someone walking close to you, so you moved your head and tried to make it look like you were _looking_ at them.

“Hey, (Y/N)?”

“What’s up Yas?” you might not be able of seeing at the moment, but you were doing an effort on keeping your eyes on (where you assumed and hoped) was her face.

“Well I, just wanted to say thank you. You really saved me out there – running with those heels wasn’t an option, at least not one where I would have made it here without any injury.”

“Don’t worry about it, besides, of course I wasn’t gonna leave you out there or struggling with those things on!” You tried to make a joke, or to enlighten the mood.

“Heh, yeah, I know. Another thing, umm, I want to apologize for making you go through that, to put you in risk of something I should have faced as a consequence of my actions.” She really sounded guilty, and while the blame wasn’t all on her, you didn’t think sulking would do any good.

“It’s fine Yas, okay? It’s not your fault; I’m the one who made the decision of lending you my shoes. So don’t over think it, alright?” To try and make it look and sound more convincing, you moved your hand in a dismissive way, while moving your head to _look_ again at the wall.

But you could feel her still by your side, and hear her shifting from one foot to the other one.

“(Y/N)? You are…not blind, right? We made it on time…didn’t we?”

Oh goodness. You didn’t want to lie, but also, judging by the lack of voices of the others, it wasn’t a good idea to attract attention to you right now.

“Yas, we are here, right? And the issue you should be worrying about should be you changing your clothes and make it to your parents’ home in time. You said it would be the first time you would go visit them since a long time ago, right?”

“Oh my god, you are right!” And with a rush of air and shoes against The TARDIS floor she left your side.

You heard her talking to Ryan, to let him know she was going to change back in her clothes, and to tell the Doctor the place and time she needed to be at.

You on the other hand, stood up and used the metal tubes to recline yourself against them, because the trip to Earth, while it might not be long, it will be a challenge for you, since the noises and light still hurt you, and your head was still throbbing a little.

**-°-°-**

“Thanks for the adventure Doctor, see you next week?” you heard Yas ask, followed by the door being open.

“Thank you for joining me again. And I don’t know, fine by me, but let’s see what the others have to say. Boys? (Y/N)?” She asked with that tone in her voice that resembled the one of an excited yet skeptical child when they don’t believe they will be taken to some amusement park or museum they really like. It was always heartwarming to hear she really looked forward to you all joining her.

“It’s fine by me, even when I don’t like being near death every time.” While it might have sounded rude or even bitter to others, you all knew Ryan enough by now to hear it was a joke, he liked the change on routine, even when it involved _deathly situations._

“Yeah well, I’m in, but it would be lovely that next time it doesn’t involve a lot of running ya know?” Graham’s voice sounded distant. They were walking to the exit.

The Doctor chuckled at their answers. She expected something similar of them. “Okay fine, I will try to find one with such requirements.”

“Great! See you all next week! Bye!” And with that Yas left the inside of the ship.

“Ok, let’s go son, it’s your time to make dinner.”

“What? But we’d agreed on getting take-out the nights after going out with The Doctor!” the last thing you heard of those two was their bickering as they stepped out and away of the blue box.

You, on the other hand wanted to step closer to the console, but, afraid of pushing a button or doing something you weren’t supposed to, you stayed where you were.

“Amm, (Y/N)? Don’t you have classes tomorrow? I thought you would, you know, run out of here like Yas did.” Even thought you heard The Doctor was near the door, now that you two were alone, you didn’t even bother to try and turn your head following the noise source – her voice.

“No, I mean yes. They are conferences we are being offered at our university by free, so I won’t turn them down. But I can’t, get out. Not yet.” You lowered your head to where your hands were, fingers fidgeting with a ring you had on your left hand.

Then you heard the door being closed, followed by boots against metal – The Doctor was walking towards you.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay? Why aren’t you…oh.”

Aaand there it was. She might have realized what happened (still was) to you. After all, you still wore nothing but your sock in your feet. And you keep blinking in excess, to make sure they didn’t dry.

“I didn’t say anything because we already were safe, and it would have been a distraction before we landed here on earth, away from danger. But uuuh, do you have anything to make the absorption of the alien neuro and hormonal blocker faster?” You lift your face to (what you hoped was) face her.

She sighed, and you have no idea if that was a good or a bad thing, but then she took your hand and guided you along the halls and turns of the TARDIS’ insides. And when you entered one of the rooms, she sat you down in what felt like a bed.

“Wait here. Don’t try to walk out. I’ll be back quickly, okay?” you nodded, and then waited for her to bring…whatever alien medicine she might have inside the ship.

**-°-°-**

It had hurt.

The medicine, for a quick and efficient working, had to be injected on your neck. It had logic, of course. It made completely sense, especially with how human anatomy worked. But you were still salty that The Doctor just decided, without warning, to inject it.

Probably the best to be fair. If she had warned you, you might have freaked out a little because no human medicine had to be injected on YOUR NECK.

Anyway, she left you in the room again, saying she was going to bring you something to eat or, whatever.

“Hey! I went out and the first thing I found was this Italian restaurant? So I got you some.” Her screaming still hurt your head a little, but at least the lights weren’t as unbearable as they were earlier.

And the food smelled amazing. With hunger everything did. So you took it.

“Thank you so much Doctor, really. The medicine was enough.”

“Naaah, it’s fine. Besides, you need food to metabolize anything, right?”

“I think we are not the only species who does, but yeah.”

As you were eating, your sight started to lose the black spots, and your head stopped hurting.

The Doctor never left the room, if anything, she took a chair to sit on.

“So tell me: why were you running in nothing but socks? I told you guys to-“

“Yas was wearing heels, and wasn’t able of run as fast as the situation needed. So I told her to wear mine. My shoes.”

Silence followed your interruption, and to distract yourself of it, you kept eating.

“(Y/N), you are smarter than that, you could have come up with something else, but you just…ran almost barefoot on a planet I told you not to. What were you thinking?” she sounded angry. Well, more like, disappointed. Disappointing out of concern.

“Well, it’s not easy to think of a plan when we are being attacked by lasers form the sky. You might be perfectly capable of doing so, but not everyone.”

“You are (Y/N). You have demonstrated such ability before. That’s why I’m asking! I could help you! What are friends for?” your sight was good enough now to see a blurry image of The Doctor standing up from the chair she was just moments ago.

And you knew _exactly_ what was the issue making your mind a turmoil. And, as much as The Doctor was an alien, you weren’t sure if she would understand. After all, it wasn’t a common issue in humans, was it?

“Doctor, I’m not so sure you might be able to help, it’s…some kind of emotional? Psychological thing going on. It has been on my mind for a long time now, I just happened to have a talk that brought it from the back to the front of my mind.” You had already finished your food, so you left the container aside.

“You know I can ask The TARDIS for information, right?”

You blinked a few times in her direction, her shape becoming clearer over time.

“Say what now? How do you even know it happened inside here?”

“You were perfectly fine before we changed clothes for the meeting, so it had to be something any of the others said to you.”

“Ok, stop right there. It’s not something they said to me, okay? It’s just me not being able to comprehend why it’s not a big thing for me, why it feels normal.” You were talking as fast as you could now. “I was talking to Yas, about going to get her a tailored suit, how she would look nice and awesome, but then she refused and seemed uncomfortable with the idea. I had no idea why so I pushed. A mistake from my part that one. And she said that she needed to feel like herself for a while? Apparently being “transformed” – because we really weren’t – into a male messed with her head. And I have no idea why! I didn’t feel uncomfortable or whatever that time! And wearing that dress in the Victorian dance was amazing. And I really like when I have a suit on! I’m always myself…”

You were out of breath, and at some point, a couple of tears left your eyes. But you weren’t sad, you were frustrated. This was a topic you had stopped ruminating with yourself a long time ago, when you decided to stop giving people an explanation.

The Doctor started walking towards you, and sat at your left. You just hugged yourself and stared at the floor. The center of your sight was clear now, just the edges were blurry.

“Sounds like you are having an identity crisis to me.” Her voice was soft, but it held some kind of…understandment in it.

You sniffed. “Yeah well, I haven’t in a long time. I just accepted that whatever I felt was fine by me, I just had to learn when to talk about it, and what kind of clothes to not wear in public or “normal” places. I still went in a three part penguin tail tuxedo to my cousin’s daughter christening. My aunts were mad about it. Almost got kicked out.” A dry laugh left your chest. It was a bittersweet memory.

“Almost?”

“Yeah, the kid stopped them. She was around me like a hummingbird around flowers. She said I looked better than her dad. Which was true by the way.” In any other moment you would have added a wink, but right now you weren’t up for that.

You stayed in silence for who knows how long, and by the time The Doctor started talking again, your vision was back to normal.

“Listen (Y/N), a regeneration ago I would have told you to ignore them and keep moving, because your species is obsessed over sex assigned issues and gender identities and so on. I never had to deal with the issue myself. But, this time, in this body, I have experienced firsthand how…awful some people might be when they see something out of what they are used to. When someone they don’t consider normal or who - according to their hierarchy - is under them, is more capable of doing anything than them. And I bet that’s what happens with you. (Y/N) look at me.” And you did.

The Doctors face was serious, but her brown eyes were full of kindness.

“I’m sorry I can’t fix every person on this planet’s point of view about that-“

“I wasn’t asking you to do so Doctor. I ended rambling and-“ she put a hand over your mouth.

“Let me finish. Even when you might face that on your normal life, you don’t have to when you are with me, with us. In The TARDIS. We can be a safe place for you.”

You really were trying not to cry.

“I don’t have a reason to judge. My kind is one to change from male to female, and I have seen many species to be amused by anything like this.” She moved to stay closer to you. Only then you became conscious on how your body was trembling, containing the sobbing.

“You don’t have to explain it to anyone, nor put a name on it. As you said it yourself, just be you. I being a woman now doesn’t define me, I’m just The Doctor. Sure this legs might be shorter and that’s not good for running or jumping, but I’m smaller and fit easier in some places…” The TARDIS made some humming noise.

“Right, don’t get distracted. Sorry, apparently kind of a talker now.” You did chuckle at that, because The Doctor sure could talk and rant. “But again, don’t worry about any of this. And Yas might have been taken aback by the whole men thing because she’s fine being a woman. She doesn’t want anything else. I don’t think you would be okay with having to stuck to one gender or clothing, would you?”

“I…I think no. I wouldn’t like that. I would miss the other clothes, and activities I could perform. It would be like a part of me was taken.”

She hummed and put a hand on your shoulder, while you were trying to ease your breathing.

To have talked about it, and the feedback being so positive and warm had been a surprise, and it felt wonderful.

“Hey Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have a hug?” You normally weren’t one for asking verbally but you were mentally, emotionally and physically tired.

And The Doctor didn’t mock you, or commented on it, she just opened her arms and nodded, wrapping (according to her) short arms around you when you lean in her.

It was warm, and calm. Your soul felt at ease.

After a couple of minutes of being like that, you separated and started picking the trash up.

The Doctor got the cue and followed out the room, and started guiding you to the console room, where your backpack was.

“Thanks again Doctor. For everything.” You gave her a smile, a small but real one.

“No prob’ (Y/N)!” and she was back to her bouncy self. That’s good.

“See you next weekend then!”

And before you could left, The TARDIS got your attention making small beeping noises, and when you looked at the console, you were offered one of the cream tarts The Doctor constantly ate. Without having to use the pedal.

The confusion on The Doctor’s face was priceless.

“Huh, thanks beauty. I will see you too next weekend.” You picked up the treat and before leaving, you gently patted the outside of the box.

Being with The Doctor really was something you would be always grateful for.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to make my next Doctor Who work less messy and self indulgent. Is just, my ace self can't come up with nothing but fluff and platonic stuff.
> 
> Also, my mind was racing with ideas and feeling and this is what I could make out of them.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, comments are appreciated!


End file.
